Monday, July 28, 2008

i'm back

I haven't blogged all summer. I haven't written in my journal all summer. It's very unlike me to not want to write in my journal. I think the last year brought me to a point where I couldn't sit and think about my life. I couldn't analyze what was happening or what God was doing anymore. I needed a break. The last year made me feel like I was in a glob of mud up to my legs. I could still move but it was very difficult. That's a lovely analogy... I didn't want to rehash the feelings I had throughout the day. I guess I still don't really feel like blogging but I want to feel like blogging so here I am. Luckily, I don't feel like I'm in the mud anymore. So hopefully I'll get back into writing/blogging.

This summer has been very different than any other time in my life. The people I can't live without (excluding my family) are totally different. The way I spend my time is completely different. The things that are important to me are completely different. And this is only the beginning. It's so bizarre to look back on how much I changed in high school. Wow. I kind of went from a brain washed, rule following, how will I ever be good enough christian to whatever I am now. It makes me sick to think that I tried to contain God in a list of rules. I am disgusted by my former self. I was so caught up in being good enough. I didn't think for myself. I followed a boy. yuck. Who was I?? I don't even recognize that person anymore. Four years from now, I hope to be disgusted by who I am now. I hope I follow God and learn more about who He is and how to love people how He would love them and how to live like He lived. I hope I grow enough to look back and laugh about how silly I am now.