for my Love

2009-01-04T00:42:00.000-05:00

Regina Spektor

The Call

the girls are in the christmas spirit

2008-12-02T11:47:00.001-05:00

2008-12-01T00:46:00.003-05:00

We also know that the Son did not come to help angels; he came to help the descendants of Abraham. Therefore, it was necessary for him to be made in every respect like us, his brothers and sisters, so that he could be our merciful and faithful High Priest before God. Then he could offer a sacrifice that would take away the sins of the people. Since he himself has gone through suffering and testing, he is able to help us when we are being tested. Hebrews 2:16-18

The pastor at Jericho Rd. talked about this today and it's been on my mind all day. Christ became like us IN EVERY RESPECT. The fact that our huge, powerful, mighty God in whom the EVERYTHING was made and has it's being, compressed Himself to human form is iiiinnnncccrrreeddddiiibbbllle. How in the world can a God that big fit Himself fully into a tiny little baby? Even more, into the first stage of an embryo growing in a 13 year old virgin? He is enormous and became sooooo miniscule. I'm never going to complain about living in a small dorm again. God is so mysterious. It's so beautiful that God came here and experienced suffering. There are times when I cannot bear the suffering in the world. Not that I can't deal with the problems in my own life (although sometimes it seems like I can't) but I can't stand the amount of pain that people feel every day. My heart breaks for those who suffer, but how much more did and does it hurt Jesus to see people hurting. This is not how He intended the world to be. We are not the people He created us to be. I am not the version of myself He made. I'm a broken, decomposing, disappointing version of the Valerie he made. I'm a let down, but it's ok. He loves me. He understands the pain, suffering, and temptation. He's felt it. He's experienced it. He knows the difficulty of life on earth and because of that, He's merciful.

All of that is to say... I'm excited about the Advent season. I'm awaiting the birth of my Savior. He's coming. It's time to celebrate that this earth is not the end and our current state of depravity isn't where we'll end up. We have hope. We have a strong and perfect plea. We have Jesus. This is seriously the best time of year!

2008-11-09T19:02:00.001-05:00

"Tell Me"

Bethany Dillon

Tell me of a time when all this gray wasn't such a fight
A road I'd stay on for so long
How long have I been this way?
I'm so addicted to feeling guilty
Like the edge of a cliff, it's about to kill me
All the reasons why You wouldn't want to love me

Could I be loved by You?
I've got so much to prove

So tell me when this night is over
And the curtain falls
That I will know the truth
When it's the only thing that's standing tall

Still I know it's like pulling teeth
To try and convince me
That Your mercy can be bigger than what I deserve
I guess I'm just afraid to go head first
Into such a wave, drowning in wonder and peace
Knowing that it will never make sense
That I am loved by You, really loved by You

So tell me when this night is over
And the curtain falls
That I will know the truth
When it's the only thing that's standing tall

Unchangeable, unconquerable
Immovable, irremovable
Unwavering, untiring
Unflinching, stubborn love of God

So tell me when this night is over
And the curtain falls
That I will know the truth
When it's the only thing that's standing tall

2008-11-09T19:01:00.001-05:00

2008-10-23T12:30:00.002-04:00

I have so much to say but not enough time to say it.

God's redeeming power

If I really believe His power to redeem is infinite, I have to believe He can change and redeem my sinful heart and actions. I have to believe when my sin hurts others, He can heal them and heal me, but it doesn't stop there. Beyond that, I have to believe He can change and redeem the people whose sin hurts me. I have to believe that is not who they are just as my sins do not make me who I am. I've always been a skeptic when it comes to deciding if people can really change or not. When someone hurts me, I forgive them but I don't want to put my trust back in them completely. I want to get past the action but make emotional boundaries to protect myself so their possible sin can't hurt me. I think that's wrong. If they believe in Christ, He has the power to change them. Who am I to question that? I'm a forgiver - I don't hold grudges; however, I don't put my trust back in people easily. I need a better balance between trusting that Christ can change people and going about that in a naive way, and deciding no one can change and putting up walls around me that keep out people I love.

Being in Ohio was so nice. It was great to see everyone and to relax. I didn't want to come back to school because being home was so nice, but once I walked into my dorm, I was excited to back at college. The distinctiveness of each part of my life is incredible. I love both parts for very different reasons. I doubted if I was doing what God wanted me to do while I was home because I was so comfortable and stable. I didn't feel the chaos and anxiety of college life, but now that I'm back I know I'm where He wants me. Sure college life is hectic, but it's stretching me and making me grow in ways I would never grow at home. Before I left for fall break, I didn't feel like I had grown up that much since high school. I felt I had matured but I didn't feel like an 'adult.' After going home and coming back, I see how much I've change, how wide my eyes have been opened, and how much my heart has grown for God. I miss Ohio, but I'm enjoying Wheaton, to say the least.

I'd like to write more but it's lunch time.

2008-10-09T23:59:00.002-04:00

"All The Way My Savior Leads Me"

Chris Tomlin

All the way my Savior leads me
Who have I to ask beside
How could I doubt His tender mercy
Who through life has been my guide

All the way my Savior leads me
Cheers each winding path I tread
Gives me grace for every trial
Feeds me with the living Bread

You lead me and keep me from falling
You carry me close to Your heart
And surely Your goodness and mercy will follow me

All the way my Savior leads me
O, the fullness of His love
O, the sureness of His promise
In the triumph of His blood
And when my spirit clothed immortal
Wings its flight to realms of day
This my song through endless ages
Jesus led me all the way
Jesus led me all the way

All the way my Savior leads me
All the way my Savior leads me

This song is beautiful. You need to download it to hear how gorgeous it is. Sorry for not posting any original thoughts lately. I've been stressed and a bit on the empty side. This song pretty much covers it tho

I love you all and I'll be home soon =)

2008-10-06T17:39:00.001-04:00

"Fourteen years of shared history made for a bond, even if life together was often tense."

-Lila Abu-Lughod

2008-10-05T23:49:00.002-04:00

These are all quotes from a book I'm reading for one of my classes. I love all of them and just wanted to share. Maybe a blog of quotes is a lame thing but the quotes are great so I'm blogging other people's words tonight.

"It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling around with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." C. S. Lewis

"For the sinful self is not my real self, it is not the self You have wanted for me, only the self that I have wanted for myself. And I no longer want this false self. But now, Father, I come to You in your own Son's self... and it is He Who presents me to You." -Thomas Merton

"When we have met our Lord in the silent intimacy of our prayer, then we will also meet him...in the market, and in the town square. But when we have not met him in the center of our own hearts, we cannot expect to meet him in the busyness of our daily lives." - Henri Nouwen

"We have plenty of examples in this world of poor things being used for good purposes. God can make any indifferent thing, as well as evil itself, an instrument for good; but I submit that to do this is the business of God and not of any human being." - Flannery O'Conner

"You don't always have to chop with the sword of truth. You can point with it, too." Anne Lamott

"The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." - Frederick Buechner

2008-10-04T11:23:00.002-04:00

I can't imagine the pain God feels every time I betray Him. I wonder if He feels it every time I sin. I can't imagine how ENORMOUS God's love must be to take me back thousands upon thousands of times. After I've done the absolute wrong thing, after I've ruined what He sent Jesus to fix, He still loves me. He forgets what I've done and loves me like I've never sinned. That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard of.

Commando

2008-09-18T15:08:00.001-04:00

I'm so glad I tried this. My new name is excellent. I expect everyone to call me Commando Coalfire from now on! =)

Friends

2008-09-13T17:50:00.002-04:00

I'm so thankful for my friends.

friends that just drove for at least 14 hours to visit for less than 24, friends that would do that for me anytime i needed them to or if they got the chance, my mom who has to mail me stuff all the time and doesn't seem to mind even though i'm sure it's a pain, friends that send me things and bake me cookies, my brother and sister who help me figure out who i am, my new friends that i can stay up late getting to know, friends who help me figure out what's going on at college and how to deal with it, friends who grew up with me and will always have a special place in my heart...

I feel so blessed by the people in my life. I have done nothing to deserve such an amazing group of people to call my friends. I miss those of you who live in Waverly. (35 days til i see you!) I'm happy to be getting to know some really awesome people here at Wheaton. Friends make earth much more bearable. I can't wait to find out what it will be like to be in Heaven together.

Happy Birthday Eve/Early Birthday Present

2008-09-10T21:28:00.003-04:00

Dear Jenn,

This is what I wanted to get you for your birthday. Sadly, 1-800-flowers doesn't deliver this ANYWHERE in southern Ohio. (I even checked Chillicothe. I was thinking I could send it to Eli at work...) You deserve a gift of this stature because you're an amazing woman. You're a great mom and friend and you deserve only the best. (stupid 1-800-flowers!) The love you've shown me over the last few months has impacted me and opened my eyes to see how to love other people in new ways. I hope you have a GREAT birthday. Celebrate. Struggle, joy, new friendships, milestones, learning, growing... there are so many things that happen in a year. Take time to think about the year and really enjoy what God has done.

Sorry I'm so cheesy.

I love and miss you birthday queen!!!

2008-09-07T13:36:00.002-04:00

College life is busy. I always have 10,000 things to read. That's why the blogging has slowed down.

I miss everyone but I'm also really enjoying life at Wheaton. I wish I could be home to experience football games, sit on my couch with my sibs, go to RVCC, or see Silas with his cast but I can't be. I know I'm where God wants me and I'm certainly enjoying it. There are times I want to jump on a plane and visit home tho!

Today I realized that I don't know anyone in Wheaton, IL that isn't a Christian. The 'bubble' of christian college... I have found some interesting ministry options that I will hopefully be able to start soon. Probably more to come on that...

I've realized how dependent on God I am during the last few weeks. I always knew it but it's different now. I used to think I knew what I would do with my life. Now I'm not so sure. I used to be secure in the people around me, my friends and family, now I must be secure in God or I feel obscure. I'm already being stretched, challenged, and changed. I love it.

as for church shopping (coughJENNcough)

week 2 (last week)

Mason and I went to Antioch Community Church. Everyone there was really friendly and kind. The church rents an old theater every weekend - during the week it's used for renovation fundraisers. I liked the feeling I got from the community there. I felt welcome. The sermon was about healing. Interesting topic... Antioch is charismatic. It was a very 'tame' (for lack of a better word) sermon about healing for the type of church it is. I agreed with some points the pastor made, but not all of them. I want to go somewhere I don't agree with EVERYTHING because I want to think about things and be challenged to evaluate why I believe what I believe and maybe even change some of my views but I just don't think Antioch is the place for me. It's my favorite of the churches we've visited so far, but still not for me.

week 3 (today)

Today we visited Wheaton Bible Church. It's a small mega-church. That's a strange sentence... Anyway, I found out it's not really for me either. They just built a huge new 'campus.' Everything is brand new and beautiful. The problem, for me, is that it felt commercialized. I was distracted from Jesus by lights, decorations, and fancy stuff that I couldn't figure out a purpose for... (decorative lamps randomly scattered across the stage) I believe the people who go there are spiritual people and I'm not trying to judge their motives or their hearts but I just can't wrap my mind around spending so much extra money on such frivolous things when there are so many people in the world a few million dollars could help. I know they need room for ministry and to hold their congregation but why does a church need so much in the way of material things? As soon as I walked in, I lost focus of Jesus and put my focus on what they had. My personal worship wasn't authentic there. My heart wasn't in a place that I could worship and grow. It just wasn't for me...

Dear Marty Ford (and band)

You have spoiled me in an insane way.

THANKS. =)

College Life

2008-08-24T23:37:00.002-04:00

So far so good.

I'm tired of telling people my name. A big thank you to all of you who know my name. It means a lot to me now. Seriously. Meeting so many new people is exhausting. I'm ready for some real, deep, honest friendships here on campus. I think I was spoiled with that in Waverly. THANKS guys...

Wheaton is a great place. I'm so glad God put it in my path. I'm so thankful for what He's doing in my life and I'm excited about it! I'm tired of orientation and for once in my life I'm actually excited for class to start. I miss so many people but I'm enjoying branching out. It's very different here. I feel like I'm in way over my head at times but I keep reminding myself that God brought me here and He will sustain me. This is pretty scattered but that's alright. I love my bed. It's so cozy and soft! The only problem is my sheets. I didn't wash them before I put them on and they smell like chemicals. It will be hard to change them b/c I lofted my bed REALLY high. So for now they'll stay.

Today Mason and I had our first week of 'church shopping.' It was interesting... We went to a church that is right next to campus and is easy to get to. It's called College Church but it's not affiliated with the school. It was very formal and traditional. The sermon was great and the choir was amazing but it didn't feel like a place I'd ever be able to really connect with the people. For me, it wasn't a place I could really seek God. It was a wonderful church and I know it's exactly what some people need but it just wasn't for me. I really enjoyed seeing the way other people approach God. It was very far from the way I approach Him and was eye opening in many ways. I can't wait to try another place next week!

I'm learning a lot.

2008-08-19T14:09:00.001-04:00

"There's a loosey-goosey feeling to the future now, both a slight edge of anxiety, like anything can happen, and a slight bubble of hope and freedom that, well, anything can happen."
-Shauna Niequist

fan the flame, make my spirit whole

2008-08-08T15:22:00.006-04:00

Today I cleaned off my bookshelf today and decided what to take with me to Wheaton. I came across a book I was given right after my freshman year. It made me so angry. That was a time in my life when I was trying to collect all the pieces. I was trying to get everything together so I could live again. I was free and I was trying to find myself. And then he goes and gives me this lovely little book that made me just as mad at the time as it does now. For some reason, I've held on to it for over three years but today is different. Today I wanted to launch it off the nearest cliff. I am beyond done with that stage. I am so far some that time. I do not need that nauseating reminder sitting in my room. So I decided to burn it. And even though it may seem silly to some, it released me. I finally let MYSELF off the hook for that part of who I used to be. He won't know or care that I destroyed this little momento and probably won't ever know how I've changed or who I am now, but I don't care because this was for me. I'm not hiding anymore. I show the world who I am every day. I am not who you want me to be anymore. I am who I was made to be.

Pilgrim

2008-08-01T21:22:00.003-04:00

Grandma & I by the Ohio River after breakfast.

This house is beautiful

I get my road rage from my Grandpa =)

I'm not sure how to rotate this but this is my gpa @ his college, West Virginia Wesleyan.

I wish I knew how to rotate this one. They're sweet.

I'm really enjoying the pilgrimage. It's interesting to see how much you can learn about people when you see where they grew up. I've seen places where my grandparent's lives have unfolded. Where they were born, where they met, where they lived when my mom was born... These are the places they have experienced life. It's just intriguing. I feel so much closer to them because I've seen these places. I know where they came from. I want to know this much about all of the important people in my life. It explains so much. It's awesome to take time to notice the intricate way God weaves our life stories together. Because two people were born out country roads in West Virginia and met in a diner I am here today. Because of their choices I live in Ohio and am who I am. God has been directing my path since waaaaaaay before I was born. It's a new perspective and I'm enjoying it.

I miss you all. See ya soon =)

i'm back

2008-07-28T16:09:00.003-04:00

I haven't blogged all summer. I haven't written in my journal all summer. It's very unlike me to not want to write in my journal. I think the last year brought me to a point where I couldn't sit and think about my life. I couldn't analyze what was happening or what God was doing anymore. I needed a break. The last year made me feel like I was in a glob of mud up to my legs. I could still move but it was very difficult. That's a lovely analogy... I didn't want to rehash the feelings I had throughout the day. I guess I still don't really feel like blogging but I want to feel like blogging so here I am. Luckily, I don't feel like I'm in the mud anymore. So hopefully I'll get back into writing/blogging.

This summer has been very different than any other time in my life. The people I can't live without (excluding my family) are totally different. The way I spend my time is completely different. The things that are important to me are completely different. And this is only the beginning. It's so bizarre to look back on how much I changed in high school. Wow. I kind of went from a brain washed, rule following, how will I ever be good enough christian to whatever I am now. It makes me sick to think that I tried to contain God in a list of rules. I am disgusted by my former self. I was so caught up in being good enough. I didn't think for myself. I followed a boy. yuck. Who was I?? I don't even recognize that person anymore. Four years from now, I hope to be disgusted by who I am now. I hope I follow God and learn more about who He is and how to love people how He would love them and how to live like He lived. I hope I grow enough to look back and laugh about how silly I am now.

Jesus

2008-05-24T14:27:00.002-04:00

I have to much to say but I can't figure out where to start. So instead of trying to write a long blog about growing up, things i've learned, or talk about my frustrations with God, life, or people... I'm just gonna quote Marty from Remedy on Thursday.

"We have the answers to all of our problems, but we choose to ignore it."

lately...

2008-05-08T14:55:00.002-04:00

i'm feeling it

2008-04-27T21:13:00.004-04:00

I generally always want to help people. It seems like sometimes I just get used to the hurt and suffering in the world around me. Sometimes I'm so used to seeing my friends cry that I just try to make them stop crying instead of helping to fix what is hurting them. Sometimes I hear about tragic events and I don't even manage to get a "how sad" out of my mouth because I'm so caught up in my own world. For the last week I haven't been having many days like that. I've become very very very empathetic lately. It's making my soul hurt. I hate the world we live in. I honestly hate it. Maybe I shouldn't have hate in my heart, but tonight I can't seem to help it. There is so much pain and suffering in the world. There are so many awful broken situations, people, places, or things. We cannot get away from the brokenness around us. Everywhere we turn something is going wrong. Nothing is perfect. How frustrating it is to realize the amount of need in the world and not be able to help everyone. It's crazy for me to think I could help everyone, I know that, yet I still long to make an impact. To love people in a way that changes them, even if it's just for a minute...

Even as I type this I find Jesus speaking to me and giving me hope. As much as I want to be on a soapbox about our terrible world, I see His light coming through. Much like my last post, I'm realizing as I go that Christ came to fix these things. He could come back right now and heal everything. I can't wait for that. I can't wait to be in Heaven. In this world when nothing around me seems perfect, He is still perfect. I can find refuge in Him. How do people live without that comfort? I suppose that's the reason we share His love...

come back soon

2008-04-21T21:30:00.003-04:00

Some of my close friends that live in Columbus just lost two of their friends/classmates in a car accident. Both of the kids were popular and well liked. One of them was a twin... I cannot get my mind around it. It's horribly tragic. I didn't personally know either of the people involved yet still i'm in pain to hear about what happened. I can't imagine how I would feel if those people were my friends. If these were people I love. The people I spend time with everyday.I can't begin to put myself in their situation. I hear my friends talk about the situation they're going through and I want to help but there's nothing anyone can say or do to make the situation any better. It's one of those things only time and God can help. But just like they're asking where is God in this? What kind of God allows this to happen? I'm asking the same thing. We live in a fallen world. I know that, I know bad things happen because of evil in the world, but at the same time I long so badly for God to step in a fix it. To come stop this madness RIGHT NOW. To rescue us from this hell we live in. I guess that's part of the beauty of Christ... He came to fix it. He loves us enough to fix it even though there's nothing in us to love. I think I should appreciate the comfort and love He offers despite my brokenness instead of complaining about bad things happening. But when pain and suffering happen, that's the last thing I feel like doing...

Please pray for this situation. It's obviously very difficult and we cannot pray enough

Marah No More-ah

2008-04-15T23:22:00.002-04:00

Ok the title of my blog is lame but I couldn't resist.

Marah means bitter. I've been bitter. Actually, I've been growing increasingly bitter over the last few weeks. I can honestly say it's the first time I've been really bitter in my life. My whole life has been changed because of my attitude of bitterness. I was overwhelmed with negative feelings and couldn't sleep well because of the situations I found myself in. Bitterness easily consumes a life. It sucks the passion out of a person in a way that's hard to explain. I hated my state of bitterness. But once again, I am in awe of the power of love. Love can overcome anything. There is nothing that love cannot conquer. Friends that truly love each other can make it through anything as long as they make an effort. I feel as if a 10,000,000 pound weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

Off to Chicago for a few days =)

complainer

2008-04-02T18:48:00.003-04:00

i'm so tired of being sick. i'm stuck at home. i feel like i can do something but when i try i just get way too tired and have to sit on the couch. i haven't been able to live my life since saturday. all i can do is sit. three periods at school and i'm knocked out. i'm not a person who can deal with sitting still. i want to be out and working hard. i need to be around people. i feel so lonely. i am not alone but i still feel lonely. i feel i have nothing to give right now. i feel like the people who would normally care the most are gone. it's hurt for a long time but when i'm sick i can't make myself be strong. i have lots of time to dwell (which i shouldn't let myself do) and i'm making myself miserable. i like to deal with things. i don't like sweeping things under the rug without talking them out but when it's not my place i try to keep my mouth shut. i haven't gotten any better since sunday but i'm praying that i'll wake up healthy tomorrow... having a fever is making me go crazy.

it's no wonder

2008-03-27T21:49:00.001-04:00

called

2008-03-22T16:57:00.004-04:00

God blessed me so much last night. I went with my youth group to Y.E.C. in Dayton. Joe asked Hannah and I to be counselors which meant that we went back to talk to people after the invitation time. I met two incredible, amazing, beautiful girls. We talked for hours and after all that time we had barely scratched the surface. They were/are struggling with some serious issues. Please pray for them. They're beginning to turn their problems over to God. They're beginning to let Him fight for them. They're beginning to realize they don't have to listen to the lies other people are telling them. I'm going to be keeping in touch with them, so if there are any words of encouragement you'd like to pass on to these new Christians let me know.

It's incredible to me how God works in my life. Through junior high and high school I have faced battles that I did not want to face. I've experienced situations with my friends and family I wished would just go away, even if that meant I wouldn't learn from them. I've gone through times I thought I would never make it out of... I've had problems I thought God could never use for good. How naive. This is my God who conquered death to create the most beautiful life for all mankind. Last night as I was talking to my new friends God used almost every circumstance I've been ashamed of, terrified of, depressed because of, or challenged by. All things turn out for God for those who love the Lord. That can't be denied. Burdens become joys. Things we're ashamed of become the things in our life that allow us to reach out to another soul in need. Our lowest points teach us how to live in the best times and how to help other people. Consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds.

Talking with these girls also made me so thankful for the people in my life. My family has ALWAYS supported me. My parents tell me they love me. In this society that's a privilege. I have a boyfriend who doesn't tell me I am stupid or treat me like I am less than he is. I'm lucky enough to have someone who honestly cares about me and treats me like a princess (even tho we all know I am not exactly a princes...ha) My sister is the best friend any person could ever ask for. She is always always always there for me and would support me and stand up for me even if I was trying to argue that gravity did not exist. That's serious commitment. My brother is an incredible listener and a very wise man. He's a force of stability in my crazy life. My grandparents, the Good family, Ms. Anna Copeland, Juli A Manning, Ashleigh, random friends.... the list could go on and on. God has blessed me through ALL of these people. I consider myself extremely lucky.

During my sophomore year we had a girl's retreat that Hannah and I helped plan at church. After all the activities of the night were over I went to the back of the sanctuary to reflect. I was reading my Bible and writing in my journal when I felt God speaking to me. He called me to reach out to junior high and high school girls. I had no idea what that meant at the time and to be honest I still don't really know what it means, but I know that I never feel more alive or closer to God than when I'm teaching, talking to, or spending time with girls who are looking for God. I felt so alive last night. I've been called. No matter what that means or where it takes me I will follow God.

help/feed/love/empower/cherish/anything

2008-03-14T15:04:00.003-04:00

I am thankful.

I've hated most of this school year. At the same time, I can see God working through the many things I've had to deal with.

I've grown up this year more than any other year. I've found who I am apart from my friends. I've seen that there are people who will love me no matter who I am or what I'm becoming. I've been given love without condition. I've realized that I don't have to change for other people and that if I want to be happy I need to become that woman God created me to be. A book I'm reading (I can't remember which one b/c I'm reading a few right now...) says that as we grow closer to God and become 'more His' we also become more ourselves. This year has taught me that.

God has changed me through His love this year. How can someone experience God and not walk away changed? How can someone feel God there with them in their loneliness and not want to go out and love lonely people? How can we look to God to fill our emptiness and needs without asking Him how we can help Him do that for others? God how can I help/feed/love/empower/cherish/anything for You to help other people?

2008-02-12T22:44:00.001-05:00

"The key is to get to know people and trust them to be who they are. Instead, we trust people to be who we want them to be - and when they're not, we cry." -David Duchovny

2008-02-09T12:16:00.000-05:00

(February 09) Today we're celebrating . . . Love May Make The World Go 'Round, But Laughter Keeps Us From Getting Dizzy Week

Love May Make The World Go ‘Round, But Laughter Keeps Us From Getting Dizzy Week

“Laughter is the shortest distance between two people“

The week before Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to remind us that there is a strong connection between the heart and “hearty” laughter.

photo credit: *Spaghetti* via flickr

from www.holidays.net

Laughter is cleansing. There aren't many things I enjoy more than spending time laughing and enjoying time with friends. I've found I can't take life too seriously because it brings me down. I really believe laughter with people you love is the best medicine

my God is mighty to save

2008-02-03T12:41:00.000-05:00

Everyone needs compassion
Love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations

Savior, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever, Author of Salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

So take as You find me
All my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender

Shine your light
And let the whole world see
We're singing
For the glory of the risen King, Jesus

I love this song. I've been listening to it for about a week straight. The lyrics are so beautiful. He can move the mountains. He is mighty to save. I have so many mountains I need God to move. How many times do I try to fix my problems on my own? How silly is that when I talk to someone every single day who can handle them without breaking a sweat? I'm starting to think I don't think I recognize how powerful God is with the way I live my life. I run around acting like I have to fix every situation that seems to be broken. Like I have to know where I'm headed and exactly when I'll get there. God knows it all. God can handle it all. God will take care of me. God loves me.

So take me as you find me, all my fears and failures. Fill my life again, I give my life to follow everything I believe in. That speaks for itself. Thank You Lord for taking me just as I am. Thank You for accepting me when I'm not perfect and using me even though I'll never be perfect. Thank You.

2008-01-28T16:04:00.001-05:00

woot is the word of the year. i love that

http://www.merriam-webster.com/info/07words.htm

basically this is just a blog to tell everyone i'm still alive =)

i know these are lame but i just don't care

2008-01-09T16:42:00.000-05:00

I confess that in 2007 I....
() stayed single for the whole year
(x) celebrated Halloween
(x) had your heart broken
() broke someone else's heart
() had a stalker
() mooned someone
() went over the minutes on your cell phone
(x) had a good somewhat relationship with someone
() questioned your sexual orientation...
() came out of the closet... well, mostly
() gotten pregnant
() had an abortion
() had a relationship with someone you'll never forget
(x) done something you've regretted
() lost faith in love
() kissed under miseltoe

SCHOOL
(x) took an honors/advanced class
(x) broke the dress code
() sent to the office for misbehavior
(x) got straight A's
(x) met one teacher you really like
(x) met one teacher you really hated
() failed a class
(x) skipped school
(x) did something you were proud of
() discovered a new talent
(x) proved yourself an idiot
(x) embarrassed yourself in front of the class
() fell in love with a teacher
() intentionally tripped someone at school
(x) got lead in the school play
(x) made a varsity team
(x) were involved in something you'll never forget

OTHER
() painted a picture
() wrote a poem
(x lots of those) ran a mile
() shopped at Hollister or A&F
() posted a blog on MySpace
(x) listened to music you couldn't stand
(x) went to a sleepover
() went camping!!!!
(x) threw a surprise party
(x) laughed till you cried
() laughed till you peed in your pants
(x) flirted shamelessly
() visited a foreign country
() budged in a line of waiting people
(x) told someone you were busy when you weren't
(x) partied to celebrate the new year (either you count last year or this year!)
(x) cooked a disastrous meal
(x) lost something/someone important to you
() lied about how old you were
() prank called someone

In 2008...
1. Will you be looking for a new job?
in the summer

2. Will you be looking for a new relationship?
hopefully not

3. New house?
Fischer hall

4. What will you do differently in 08?
be more open minded

5. New Years resolution?
i don't have one =(

6. What will you not be doing in 08?
going to WHS

7. Any trips planned?
senior trip, dance nationals, hopefully nyc with ANNA

8. Wedding plans?
not for myself!

9. Major thing on your calendar?
musical! =)

10. What cant you wait for?
wheaton!

11. What would you like to see happen differently?
i'd like things to go better with my friends for the rest of the school year

12. What about yourself will you be changing?
my location, my mind

13. What happened in 07 that you didn't think would ever happen?
I got accepted to Wheaton, I was able to forgive in ways I wouldn't have expected (thank you God for making that happen)

14. Will you be nicer to the people you care about?
i'll try to be!

15. Will you dress differently this year than you did in 07?
most likely

16. Will you start or quit drinking?
probably not

17. Will you better your relationship with your family?
i'm always trying to do that

18. Will you do charity work?
yes

19. Will you go to bars?
probably not

20. Will you be nice to people you dont know?
yessss

21. Do you expect '08 to be a good year for you?
YES =)

22. How much did you change from this time last year til now?
i've grown up a lot this year

23. Do you plan on having a child?
yes, probably than one

24. Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with now?
not all of them

25. Major lifestyle changes?
college here i come

26. Will you be moving?
yes - to Wheaton, IL

27. What will you make sure doesn't happen in 08 that happened in 07?
um... not sure on that one

28. One wish for 08?
to know God more

414.46 miles

2007-12-31T00:17:00.000-05:00

This is where you'll find me

It's amazing to see what God does in a year. I got my acceptance letter to Wheaton Friday and it was one of the best days of my life. (even tho we're still waiting for more news from them) Exactly a year before I got my letter, we found out Meredith had HCM. It was one of the worst days of my life. This time last year my family and I were struggling with many different issues. God was teaching all of us and growing was difficult. God is still teaching us, but it's incredible how He's brought us out of sorrow and into a more joyful time. I am so thankful for the blessings I'm experiencing in my life right now.

this may be my last post for 2007. I'd like to wish everyone a happy and blessed new year! A lot of changes are happening in my life in the coming year and I can't wait to see where God takes me.

scattered

2007-12-26T23:44:00.001-05:00

blogs are not made for online fighting. that's myspace.

i was thinking while i was driving tonight, and i couldn't think of a single person who has been what i would consider "100% loyal" to me that isn't in my family. i kept thinking because that seemed crazy to me and i've come to the conclusion that everyone makes mistakes (myself included...obviously) it may seem like we weren't being loyal or sticking by someone, but maybe that isn't the case... and i've decided a lot of people have been loyal to me because i don't think true loyalty lies in never making a mistake, never taking someone else's side, or never being away from someone. i think true loyalty lies in coming back. it lies in in admitting the mistake, and in trying to make up for it.

i had a great christmas this year. i enjoy being around the people i love so much. it's so relaxing to spend time with them. i hope everyone else had a wonderful holiday!

i have to cut myself off at this point because i don't feel like going on a tangent about anything else.

12

2007-12-21T18:40:00.001-05:00

http://www.ksbj.org/eblogs/morningShow/

Thank you lysosomes

2007-12-18T14:18:00.001-05:00

today in anatomy, mr. roar taught us about lysosomes.

when embryos are forming, they apparently start as "a mass." Lysosomes cause "cell death" to certain cells. I'm sure that's a very complicated process and I really don't know anything about it. I'm completely intrigued by it tho... anyway, certain cells are basically killed off. they have to die in order to form a hand or a face or whatever body part it's going for... so that's one spiritual connection i was making. once again, there must be death for life to come through. this seems to run throughout so many different topics. (seeds/flowers, Jesus. lysosomes, personal lives, feel free to add more examples) God isn't letting us forget how important this is. If Jesus wouldn't have died or wouldn't have risen from the dead, we wouldn't be able to get so close to God. We wouldn't have the opportunity to really get to know Him, and lysosomes. of all things, can remind us of this.

The other thing I kept thinking about was kind of this... "Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb."- psalm 139:13 (MSG) Mr. Roar kept saying the lysosomes "sculpt" the mass. I got such a cool visual connection of God sculpting us. He chips away the parts of us that must die in order for us to life the best life. Sure, we may be able to life as a giant mass (maybe not) but what kind of life would that be? I'm so thankful he formed me just how he wanted me... that He used those little tiny lysosomes to mold me, even tho some of my original cells had to die, and I'm glad He continues to get rid of the parts of me that need to die... I know this is a strange connection, but God really spoke to me in anatomy class today. Yes, I know I'm a science nerd but I'm ok with that... God can been seen in anything, especially science.

Happy Sabbath

2007-12-02T14:06:00.000-05:00

I am in a very reflective mood. I have tons of different thoughts going through my head, so forgive me if this doesn't make any sense...

One of my favorite parts of my chrysalis flight was that I didn't have to worry about time or what I would be doing. Everything was planned for me. I could focus on God without any interruptions. That was incredibly refreshing to me. Just thinking back to my flight relaxes me, makes me happier, and reminds me of God's love. I'm so thankful for those 3 days. As my dad and I were eating lunch today, I was trying to convince him to go to Emmaus. I was telling him why I loved my flight so much, and I told him those things. He, of course, had a suggestion I had never even considered. What would it be like to have a time like that in my life more frequently? How would it change my life to spend a solid hour just twice a week and to commit to not worrying or thinking about other things. To spend an hour searching out God. hm... interesting. That idea sounds amazing to me. I have such a busy schedule, but this is something I'm going to start to try to incorporate into my life. I probably won't start with an hour, but that's not the point anyway.

Today I'm excited about the fact that I serve a God I can get to know. I can be close to Him. I have a friendship with God. Everyday I have the opportunity to learn new things about Him. I wish I could say I do that everyday. I wish I could say that I focus on God a lot throughout my day. The truth is, I get caught up in school or activities or my friends or homework and instead of getting to know Him through all of these things, I try to get to know Him in scheduled time between these things. That's so stupid. I've been trying to work on that lately, but I'm learning it's a process that requires time.

It seems like our generation is trying to get away from all of the negative perceptions that have developed about Christianity over the years. That in itself is a great thing, but as we're moving as far away from those problems as we can, we're running into a whole new set of problems. We have somehow developed the idea that loving someone and not judging them means letting them continue in sin even if it's hurting them or someone else spiritually, emotionally, and physically. But is that love? We have somehow started believing that if we put too much emphasis on God's commandments, we're automatically legalistic. But Jesus said if we love Him we'll follow His commandments. We have started believing that we need to dress up Jesus to look fun and shiny to the world in order to bring people to know Him. But God is the One who draws people to Him. I think a lot of these things have been caused by the fact that we're trying to avoid being the stereotypical judgmental, rule keepings, uptight Christians. Like I said before, there's nothing wrong with that in theory, but we have to address these new problems, too. The question is, how do we go about that? Where is the middle ground?

learning part 1

2007-11-27T20:37:00.000-05:00

Before my senior year started, I asked God to teach me about love. That's what I wanted to learn about this year... and I've always heard people say "don't ask for patience, because then God will test your patience..." then after that they always do that laugh thing. that isn't the point tho... I really didn't think about how God would teach me more about love. I just prayed that He would teach me and waited for Him to do so.

This has been a rough year. Everything is changing. It's weird. My friends have changed, my parents have changed out they treat me, my schedule and activities have changed, I have changed.. through all of this changing I've discovered a lot about love.

It used to be so easy to love my friends, but to be completely honest, it hasn't been as easy this year. Not that I don't love them but I'm talking about the kind of love that God offers to us. I know we're humans and can't achieve love like that, but isn't that what we're striving for as christians? When my friends change and I don't like the change, it's not loving them to get mad about it and think they're not who they were before. Love is much bigger than getting mad about friends changing. They're growing and maturing. That's not something to get upset about.. Especially when I'm doing the same thing.

I really think love and forgiveness go hand in hand. I don't know if I believe you can love someone if you're unwilling to forgive them. If you can't give up whatever grudge you're holding and make the choice to forgive them and move on, how is that love? Love is risky at times. It can feel like a major risk to forgive someone who has hurt you. after all, won't they just do it again? But what do we do to God? How much does is hurt God when I sin over and over again. When I deliberately do something that puts a wall between God and I, and then come crawling back to Him telling Him how much I love Him and how sorry I am, how much worse does that feel than how I feel when someone does something that hurts my feelings a little?

I have so much more to say about the things God has shown me about love. I just don't have time tonight. Things I've learned from my parents, my grandparents, my boyfriend, my squad, my teachers... God uses so many different things. It's weird that usually at the time I don't realize God is teaching me.

I still don't know how to end a blog. (or if anyone reads this)

inspired by anna

2007-11-23T00:01:00.000-05:00

dear anna,
you may be the only person who reads this (if you even read it) so thanks. I love reading your blog so I got my own. you inspired me =)
love,
valerie

it's only appropriate to say Happy Thanksgiving! I love holidays. I used to love holidays for the food and presents and don't get me wrong, i still love those things... but now i love holidays because my siblings come home. I feel more complete when they're home. Part of me goes away to college with them.

We did a cheesy Thanksgiving thing today. Mary Ellen brought a stuffed turkey and we passed it around (threw it around) and said what we were the most thankful for. because of this i found out why i can't catch.. no one in my family can catch. almost everyone got smacked in head. anyway...it really made me think. so much has happened in my life lately. my life was so different this time last year. God has taught me so many things and i can't help but be thankful for the trials i've gone through because i don't want to be the girl i was this time last year. without those trials, i wouldn't have grown. this time next year, i hope i'm different than i am now. i hope i know more about who God is, more about what love really is, more about my family and my friends. i hope i can look back and thank God for the pain and struggles because of how it's changed me and i hope that this year while i'm going through those struggles i can focus on what God is doing instead of the pain.

i'm not sure how to end a blog.