Regina Spektor

The Call

the girls are in the christmas spirit

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 We also know that the Son did not come to help angels; he came to help the descendants of Abraham. Therefore, it was necessary for him to be made in every respect like us, his brothers and sisters, so that he could be our merciful and faithful High Priest before God. Then he could offer a sacrifice that would take away the sins of the people. Since he himself has gone through suffering and testing, he is able to help us when we are being tested. Hebrews 2:16-18

The pastor at Jericho Rd. talked about this today and it's been on my mind all day. Christ became like us IN EVERY RESPECT. The fact that our huge, powerful, mighty God in whom the EVERYTHING was made and has it's being, compressed Himself to human form is iiiinnnncccrrreeddddiiibbbllle. How in the world can a God that big fit Himself fully into a tiny little baby? Even more, into the first stage of an embryo growing in a 13 year old virgin? He is enormous and became sooooo miniscule. I'm never going to complain about living in a small dorm again. God is so mysterious. It's so beautiful that God came here and experienced suffering. There are times when I cannot bear the suffering in the world. Not that I can't deal with the problems in my own life (although sometimes it seems like I can't) but I can't stand the amount of pain that people feel every day. My heart breaks for those who suffer, but how much more did and does it hurt Jesus to see people hurting. This is not how He intended the world to be. We are not the people He created us to be. I am not the version of myself He made. I'm a broken, decomposing, disappointing version of the Valerie he made. I'm a let down, but it's ok. He loves me. He understands the pain, suffering, and temptation. He's felt it. He's experienced it. He knows the difficulty of life on earth and because of that, He's merciful.

All of that is to say... I'm excited about the Advent season. I'm awaiting the birth of my Savior. He's coming. It's time to celebrate that this earth is not the end and our current state of depravity isn't where we'll end up. We have hope. We have a strong and perfect plea. We have Jesus. This is seriously the best time of year!

"Tell Me" 

Bethany Dillon

Tell me of a time when all this gray wasn't such a fight
A road I'd stay on for so long
How long have I been this way?
I'm so addicted to feeling guilty
Like the edge of a cliff, it's about to kill me
All the reasons why You wouldn't want to love me

Could I be loved by You?
I've got so much to prove

So tell me when this night is over
And the curtain falls
That I will know the truth
When it's the only thing that's standing tall

Still I know it's like pulling teeth
To try and convince me
That Your mercy can be bigger than what I deserve
I guess I'm just afraid to go head first
Into such a wave, drowning in wonder and peace
Knowing that it will never make sense
That I am loved by You, really loved by You

So tell me when this night is over
And the curtain falls
That I will know the truth
When it's the only thing that's standing tall

Unchangeable, unconquerable
Immovable, irremovable
Unwavering, untiring
Unflinching, stubborn love of God

So tell me when this night is over
And the curtain falls
That I will know the truth
When it's the only thing that's standing tall

I have so much to say but not enough time to say it.

God's redeeming power

If I really believe His power to redeem is infinite, I have to believe He can change and redeem my sinful heart and actions. I have to believe when my sin hurts others, He can heal them and heal me, but it doesn't stop there. Beyond that, I have to believe He can change and redeem the people whose sin hurts me. I have to believe that is not who they are just as my sins do not make me who I am. I've always been a skeptic when it comes to deciding if people can really change or not. When someone hurts me, I  forgive them but I don't want to put my trust back in them completely. I want to get past the action but make emotional boundaries to protect myself so their possible sin can't hurt me. I think that's wrong. If they believe in Christ, He has the power to change them. Who am I to question that? I'm a forgiver - I don't hold grudges; however, I don't put my trust back in people easily. I need a better balance between trusting that Christ can change people and going about that in a naive way, and deciding no one can change and putting up walls around me that keep out people I love.

Being in Ohio was so nice. It was great to see everyone and to relax. I didn't want to come back to school because being home was so nice, but once I walked into my dorm, I was excited to back at college. The distinctiveness of each part of my life is incredible. I love both parts for very different reasons. I doubted if I was doing what God wanted me to do while I was home because I was so comfortable and stable. I didn't feel the chaos and anxiety of college life, but now that I'm back I know I'm where He wants me. Sure college life is hectic, but it's stretching me and making me grow in ways I would never grow at home. Before I left for fall break, I didn't feel like I had grown up that much since high school. I felt I had matured but I didn't feel like an 'adult.' After going home and coming back, I see how much I've change, how wide my eyes have been opened, and how much my heart has grown for God. I miss Ohio, but I'm enjoying Wheaton, to say the least.

I'd like to write more but it's lunch time.

"All The Way My Savior Leads Me"

Chris Tomlin

All the way my Savior leads me
Who have I to ask beside
How could I doubt His tender mercy
Who through life has been my guide

All the way my Savior leads me
Cheers each winding path I tread
Gives me grace for every trial
Feeds me with the living Bread

You lead me and keep me from falling
You carry me close to Your heart
And surely Your goodness and mercy will follow me

All the way my Savior leads me
O, the fullness of His love
O, the sureness of His promise
In the triumph of His blood
And when my spirit clothed immortal
Wings its flight to realms of day
This my song through endless ages
Jesus led me all the way
Jesus led me all the way

All the way my Savior leads me
All the way my Savior leads me

This song is beautiful. You need to download it to hear how gorgeous it is. Sorry for not posting any original thoughts lately. I've been stressed and a bit on the empty side. This song pretty much covers it tho

I love you all and I'll be home soon =)