I have so much to say but not enough time to say it.

God's redeeming power

If I really believe His power to redeem is infinite, I have to believe He can change and redeem my sinful heart and actions. I have to believe when my sin hurts others, He can heal them and heal me, but it doesn't stop there. Beyond that, I have to believe He can change and redeem the people whose sin hurts me. I have to believe that is not who they are just as my sins do not make me who I am. I've always been a skeptic when it comes to deciding if people can really change or not. When someone hurts me, I  forgive them but I don't want to put my trust back in them completely. I want to get past the action but make emotional boundaries to protect myself so their possible sin can't hurt me. I think that's wrong. If they believe in Christ, He has the power to change them. Who am I to question that? I'm a forgiver - I don't hold grudges; however, I don't put my trust back in people easily. I need a better balance between trusting that Christ can change people and going about that in a naive way, and deciding no one can change and putting up walls around me that keep out people I love.

Being in Ohio was so nice. It was great to see everyone and to relax. I didn't want to come back to school because being home was so nice, but once I walked into my dorm, I was excited to back at college. The distinctiveness of each part of my life is incredible. I love both parts for very different reasons. I doubted if I was doing what God wanted me to do while I was home because I was so comfortable and stable. I didn't feel the chaos and anxiety of college life, but now that I'm back I know I'm where He wants me. Sure college life is hectic, but it's stretching me and making me grow in ways I would never grow at home. Before I left for fall break, I didn't feel like I had grown up that much since high school. I felt I had matured but I didn't feel like an 'adult.' After going home and coming back, I see how much I've change, how wide my eyes have been opened, and how much my heart has grown for God. I miss Ohio, but I'm enjoying Wheaton, to say the least.

I'd like to write more but it's lunch time.

"All The Way My Savior Leads Me"

Chris Tomlin

All the way my Savior leads me
Who have I to ask beside
How could I doubt His tender mercy
Who through life has been my guide

All the way my Savior leads me
Cheers each winding path I tread
Gives me grace for every trial
Feeds me with the living Bread

You lead me and keep me from falling
You carry me close to Your heart
And surely Your goodness and mercy will follow me

All the way my Savior leads me
O, the fullness of His love
O, the sureness of His promise
In the triumph of His blood
And when my spirit clothed immortal
Wings its flight to realms of day
This my song through endless ages
Jesus led me all the way
Jesus led me all the way

All the way my Savior leads me
All the way my Savior leads me

This song is beautiful. You need to download it to hear how gorgeous it is. Sorry for not posting any original thoughts lately. I've been stressed and a bit on the empty side. This song pretty much covers it tho

I love you all and I'll be home soon =)

"Fourteen years of shared history made for a bond, even if life together was often tense." 

-Lila Abu-Lughod

These are all quotes from a book I'm reading for one of my classes. I love all of them and just wanted to share. Maybe a blog of quotes is a lame thing but the quotes are great so I'm blogging other people's words tonight.

"It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak.  We are half-hearted creatures, fooling around with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea.  We are far too easily pleased." C. S. Lewis

"For the sinful self is not my real self, it is not the self You have wanted for me, only the self that I have wanted for myself.  And I no longer want this false self. But now, Father, I come to You in your own Son's self... and it is He Who presents me to You." -Thomas Merton

"When we have met our Lord in the silent intimacy of our prayer, then we will also meet him...in the market, and in the town square. But when we have not met him in the center of our own hearts, we cannot expect to meet him in the busyness of our daily lives." - Henri Nouwen

"We have plenty of examples in this world of poor things being used for good purposes. God can make any indifferent thing, as well as evil itself, an instrument for good; but I submit that to do this is the business of God and not of any human being." - Flannery O'Conner

"You don't always have to chop with the sword of truth.  You can point with it, too." Anne Lamott

"The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet." - Frederick Buechner

I can't imagine the pain God feels every time I betray Him. I wonder if He feels it every time I sin. I can't imagine how ENORMOUS God's love must be to take me back thousands upon thousands of times. After I've done the absolute wrong thing, after I've ruined what He sent Jesus to fix, He still loves me. He forgets what I've done and loves me like I've never sinned. That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard of.